Good question! Maybe last week’s prayer project clarified or even cemented your view of yourself. You feel more like a guy than a man. You might even have a clearer sense of why the “guy” self-descriptor seems to fit you best. Good work! This development won’t necessarily compel you to action, though. A forcing function, however, might: consequences.
Most of us need a very good reason to embark on a potentially long and difficult journey. If we’re going to engage with this blog series in the months ahead in pursuit of substantive change, we must know that our destination is worth the work. We have to want the outcome. The result we will labor for together is this: an established trajectory toward genuine stature in our families, churches, workplaces, and communities as men of depth, substance, and power. In other words, we will give ourselves to the process of becoming more fully the men God designed us to be.
Of course, there’s a major implication in what I just said, right? My words imply that we are not currently the men God created us to be. Objectively speaking, it can’t be otherwise. We are fallen men in a fallen world, and God is constantly at work in our lives to further our development toward His intentional design (Romans 8:28). But, I’m particularly focused on those of us who experience ourselves as “guys.” I would say—and I know this is bold—that if you see yourself as a guy, you may be smaller and weaker than God intends for you to be in at least one major area of your heart.
This conclusion might be bold, but it is not surprising at all. God is always using everything in our lives to transform us because we need…transformation! Feeling more like a guy than a man is just one way we tend to experience our need. So, no worries. What we are feeling about ourselves is normal and expected. And it would be good to unpack these feelings a little more.
Since I assumed my place in the world as a man only within the last decade (better late than never!), it’s easy to remember what it was like for me in my long life as a guy. I felt like I was lacking. There wasn’t much substance, solidness, and sturdiness inside. I was kind of washed out internally. And I felt small. My tendency was to shrink back a bit from relationships, roles, and tasks that demanded more authentic power than I believed I brought to them. When I stepped into a room, others didn’t quickly notice my presence. And—for the most part—I was okay with being left alone. I didn’t take up much space, and I didn’t want to occupy more.
Unfortunately, the church didn’t help. I was bombed with so much teaching on the fruit of the Spirit that I thought personal power was antithetical to true Christianity. In a real sense, I felt emasculated by these sermons, especially since the preachers I listened to exhorted me to shut myself down rather than expand into the fullness of my design. Restraint seemed to be the underlying message.
Then, one afternoon I was emailing back and forth with a buddy of mine who is a longtime missionary in a very challenging part of the world. We were wrapping up our chat and sharing prayer requests. I asked him, very sincerely, “Please pray that God constrains me to follow Him with everything I am.” I have not forgotten his reply: “I will pray that God’s love compels you to follow Him.”
Yes. God is the center of our masculine development, and His love is the change agent. We will talk much more about our engagement with God in love, as well as the progressive filling of the Spirit that makes us the men we were intended to be. But we can begin to taste a little more of God’s love right now by being open and honest with Him in the prayer project below.
Prayer Project
Please take some time to sit in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted for at least 30 minutes. Then, ask God and ask yourself the questions below. If you can, write down your answers in a notebook that you might keep for this journey we’re taking together. No right answers here—just be as honest as you can.
- God, am I smaller than you want me to be? Do I feel a bit washed out inside? Do I lack power (depth, substance, solidness, and sturdiness)?
- How do I feel about this awareness, Lord? Am I ashamed? Worried? Am I okay for now?
- What is it like for me to talk with You about these sensitive things? Is it uncomfortable? Scary? Do I have a sense of Your love for me in the reality of where I am?
- Does awareness of my current state make me want to see more growth in my masculine design? Why, or why not?