My buddy Mark and I served together in the military. After we first met at a local church gathering, we often connected to share life and process the issues we faced in our assignments. Turned out, we both placed a high value on decisiveness and aggressive forward movement. Pressing into whatever was in front of us was central to our developing leadership styles. So, over the years, we came up with a few slogans to spur one another on, especially when difficulties pushed hard against us and made progress painful. Maybe my favorite was, “Git ‘er done!” I know, where’s the compassion, right? But I always knew that behind his words, Mark understood what I was going through. Now, even when I need to fix the flapper valve in my toilet, I hear his voice: Git ‘er done!” And not just in my head, but in person. We are still as close as brothers.
This mentality served us well in Air Force life. However, in the most important area of life—relationships—our mindset is of limited use. Beyond infusing some much-needed resolve and momentum at appropriate times, knocking out tasks and checking them off of our list is not entirely congruent with the nature of intimacy! In relationships, we don’t “accomplish.” We become. We grow.
You probably see where I am going with this. I’m concerned that we might tackle hidden rooms with Jesus like a series of self-improvement projects (on “reasonable” timelines, of course!). However, growth is not a task, but a process. A journey with Jesus. And our development never ends. We are always becoming more fully the men God created us to be. Therefore, it is best to settle in with Jesus and let our path and progress be whatever emerges from our relationship with Him. Growth is a lifestyle.
Now, I’m not saying that God can’t bring immediate, comprehensive, and permanent healing to a troubled area of our character. Certainly, He can. And sometimes He does! Maybe you have experienced instantaneous healing yourself or know of someone who has. I have heard some powerful testimonies…. However, I think we can agree that sudden relief and wholeness is the exception, not the rule. Generally speaking, God seems to use lengthy and involved processes to transform our weaknesses.
Therefore, we want our perspective to match reality. Perspective is critically important—how we see the landscape ahead shapes our expectations for the journey. I remember many times when I almost frantically tried to push the pace of change in some troubled and painful area of my heart. I explored every possible shortcut to relief. I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t accept the true process of growth. Finally, near exhaustion, I would let go of control and allow God’s unfolding way be whatever it needed to be for authentic character renovation. My perspective realigned with reality: robust change happens relationally with Jesus. And relationship cannot be rushed.
So, I encourage you, whenever you are in a room with Jesus and feel the urgent need to be farther along, dare to believe this: you are right where we need to be. You have put yourself in position to experience genuine transformation. Fuller life and masculinity are in front of you, and you have to stay the course, relationally. Hold on, then, to the truth we have in Proverbs 3:5-6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
Prayer Project
Please take some time to sit in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted for at least 30 minutes. Then, ask God and ask yourself the questions below. If you can, write down your answers in a notebook that you might keep for this journey we’re taking together. No right answers here—just be as honest as you can.
- God, when I think about the room we have chosen to enter into together, do I feel a sense of urgency? Do I want to get in there, Git ‘er done, and move on? If I do, why, Lord?
- To what degree do I trust you with this process of change, God? Am I settled and confident? Do I have serious doubts? Do I feel like I am going out on a limb here?
- How will I handle times of real discomfort, Lord? How do I lean into you for the comfort and strength I’ll need? What does this level of dependence look like?
- Am I okay with growth being my ongoing lifestyle rather than short bursts of intentional character work with no “go-backs?” How do I embrace the fact that you are always using everything in my life to make me more fully the man you created me to be (Romans 8:28)? How do I settle into this reality?