We are almost ready to take another significant step forward and discern the particular room we will invite Jesus into. I wouldn’t be surprised if you already know! But even if you do know, let’s talk more about “room selection” next week. Our goal is to embrace a lifestyle of continuous growth, so there will be more chambers of the heart to consider and prioritize as time goes by. This week, we’ll wrap up our look at how we begin to co-inhabit hidden places with Jesus. We need to talk a little more about the nature of our shared life together and how we might experience it.
You may have noticed that when we invite Jesus into a secret room, our next steps are simple. Yet, the process is profound. Sacred… In this once-repressed part of our hearts, we move from a life of isolation or problem-solving, to relationship. The implications are earthshaking:
- We are no longer alone.
- We are loved in reality.
- We relinquish control.
Now we are getting somewhere.
But what will togetherness, love, and submission look like for us? How will we experience it? On one hand, we don’t know. We can’t know—we have never been with Jesus in this part of our hearts before. On the other hand, I do think it is helpful to keep a few things in mind.
First, “you’ve got to feel it to heal it.” I was among a small group of people who gathered to hear a leading prayer minister talk about God’s healing presence when I first heard these words. I don’t remember the speaker’s name, but I do recall that he dropped this pithy phrase and casually moved on. My mind could not and did not move on: “What?! Is this the best you can do? I’m an engineer! You don’t care to offer a systematic, rigorous, and comprehensive defense to validate such a ‘squishy’ pronouncement?” I understood what the speaker was saying, but parts of me were hard to convince. Years would pass before I could fully receive his statement and begin to put it into my own words.
What he was saying was this: we have to be in reality with God to find deep healing and growth. If you are in a room called “anger,” then be angry with God. If you are in a room called “pain,” then be in pain with God. Let Him in. If you are anxious, be anxious. If afraid, then afraid. My only caution is to be careful with lust. Please see the footnote after this week’s prayer project for more about this concern.
I know that experiencing powerful feelings can be difficult. But you probably don’t have to look far to see the consequences of choosing not to. I’ve known many men—some in very weighty church and para-church leadership positions—who struggled with terrible anger, for example. More than a few of these leaders were well into their 60s. unfortunately, they had not fully entered into reality with God. In their room called “anger,” they saw another door to the deeper pain that fueled their aggression. In some cases, they knew what was in that next room, the people and events that deeply wounded them. And they had no trouble talking about these events, although no sorrow made its way into their detailed articulation. Simply put, these men did not enter that room with Jesus—they kept their distance from it and did not bring their profound sadness into relationship. I wonder how much life was subverted and how much damage was done while gripped in the clutches of anger for almost seven decades. Heartbreaking….
Second, let’s be open to whatever Jesus’ leadership might look like. We don’t know what we need for healing and growth when we enter a new room with Him. He does…. Of course, the most essential help He brings us is His presence—His forgiveness, acceptance, love, truth, compassion, and encouragement. But what about guidance? How will He shepherd us?
Experience has taught me that Jesus is unpredictable! Our task, then, is to be ready to accept whatever resources He might provide. Maybe at some point, we receive direct insight into our heart or into an important next step. Or, a book recommendation comes unexpectedly; we stumble across an article; we watch a movie that holds something necessary for us. There are so many possibilities: we have a talk with a friend or a pastor; a group of like-minded men invites us to join them; we feel the desire to share our journey with a spiritual director, Christian therapist, or experienced prayer minister. On and on it goes—one thing leads to another. He who made the world and everything in it is more than able to rally people and bring tools to meet our unfolding needs. Therefore, we dare to trust. And, you might see this coming: we share honestly with Jesus when we’re having trouble trusting Him!
Third, try to set aside any sense of urgency. The process of growth takes as long as it takes. Our forward movement is relationally based and cannot be rushed. Letting go of control and timelines is so hard, especially when we are struggling and longing for some measure of relief. So, I encourage you to maintain this perspective as best you can: “process” is our goal. Yes, we want healing and wholeness in the parts of our character that hold us back from becoming better men. But our proximate aim is to be on the way with Jesus. When we shift targets from “destination” to “journey,” we stay in reality and diffuse the counterproductive influence of urgency.
Prayer Project
Please take some time to sit in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted for at least 30 minutes. Then, ask God and ask yourself the questions below. If you can, write down your answers in a notebook that you might keep for this journey we’re taking together. No right answers here—just be as honest as you can.
- God, when I consider the idea that I have to “feel it to heal it,” what comes up for me? Do I buy in? Do I have reservations? Let’s talk about this, Lord.
- How do I feel about moving into a troublesome area of my heart without a clear path and a traditional plan of action? Can I let go of control and let the process be whatever it will be? To what degree do I trust you, Lord?
- God, what do I think about “process” as goal? Am I okay with this? Do I find that being together with you on a journey is enough for me? Or, does the aim of “being on the way” bother me? Why, Lord?
Footnote: I remember a particular day in seminary when my professor, Dr. John Coe, cautioned us about bringing lust into our prayer lives. I don’t recall if he shared his reason for concern; I didn’t write down anything. But I do have a lingering thought about this topic and my own experience as well. Lust is the area of our lives where the approach, “feel it to heal it” does not apply. Lust is insidious—if we bring explicit details of our base sexual desires into relationship with Jesus, we may inflame the fire that is already burning out of control. And there seem to be profound respect issues here, too. However, it is certainly helpful to talk openly about important aspects of our sexual urges, like: What makes us susceptible to unhealthy thoughts and actions? When are we weakest? Why? And where do these inordinate urges come from? What is behind them? Why do we objectify women this way? What life changes would be most helpful for us and for our relationships? There is much to discuss without diving into our experience of raw sexual urges.