In the days leading up to writing this week’s post, I have carried a single and powerful desire for you: to know that you are loved. There is no part of your heart that makes you unlovable. You are chosen:
“And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.” (Romans 1:6)
You are His, even if some parts of your character don’t belong to Him yet!
Love is often the missing change agent. When we’re finally driven to open up some troublesome interior room, it’s almost always disorienting and painful. So, naturally, we tend to want to “Git ‘er done!” Like a problem we might encounter on the job, our strong inclination is to analyze the situation, understand it, determine the best course of action to follow, and aggressively press forward.
I’m a problem solver by nature, so I get it. However, becoming a better man is not about finding the right formula. Our defects are not math problems. They are written invitations to join Jesus in deeper relationship. Christian growth is relational growth—we develop as our relationship with Jesus develops. Therefore, when we encounter a problematic feature of our character, we need to resist our initial and urgent impulse to quickly “fix” it. We want to choose a different direction altogether: “Share this with Jesus.” From a resting place of shared life and love, we submit to His leadership and receive the help we need in whatever forms and times are best for us. We’ll talk more about these various forms next week…
For now, let’s continue to talk about our initial conversation with Jesus in once-hidden rooms. After we settle in together, how do we continue? What course might we follow in our ongoing discussion? I suggest you begin “unpacking” this area of your heart with Him.
Maybe it’s best to use a concrete example. We could pick any character issue, but I have found that anger is an area needing special attention for most of us. So, how would we unpack our anger?
First, start with whatever might be going on in the present moment. As you begin to explore your anger with Jesus, simply tell Him that you’re mad! Really mad…. Describe the situation that sparked your outrage.
Next, maybe take some time to go beyond what happened and describe your ongoing experience. For example, what is happening in your mind? What are you thinking about? How do you feel about being so irritated?
Then you might ask yourself and Jesus this question that I first heard from Dr. John Coe in seminary, “Is my level of anger appropriate for the offense?” In other words, is your response out of proportion to the situation that sparked it? Talk about this for a while.
If you notice that your exasperation is bigger than what would be objectively reasonable, keep going with questions like these: Where is this anger really coming from, then? What is its source? How did it get there?
Finally, be ready to go deeper. Often the root of our issues is underneath our conscious experience. Wounds and pain spawn all sorts of problematic character challenges, anger included. We had to cope… So don’t be surprised if the room you enter with Jesus leads to another door, another room.
We’ll talk more next week about being with Jesus as we expand our interior home together, including what his leadership might look like in hard places. For now, I will leave you with this: the conversations we have with God in these difficult rooms are not usually concluded quickly. Our talks, understanding, action, and growth take time. Often, lots of time. I encourage you to keep this in mind as you engage with God in this week’s prayer project. Bless you….
Prayer Project
Please take some time to sit in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted for at least 30 minutes. Then, ask God and ask yourself the questions below. If you can, write down your answers in a notebook that you might keep for this journey we’re taking together. No right answers here—just be as honest as you can.
- God, when I think about “love as a change agent,” how does the idea land with me? Is my experience of your love for me—right where I am—really the way forward?
- Do I feel a sense of urgency when I think about a room that I might invite you into, Lord? What fuels this sense of urgency? What do I want?
- As I look through the potential discussion outline for unpacking a room with You, what sounds attractive to me? What sounds awful? Why?
- Take some time to think about Jesus’ presence and love as your place of rest. Home base. Just relax a while and let the tightly-wound spaces in your heart and mind loosen a bit.