As I sit sown to write this morning, a crucial question occupies my mind: How badly do you want to grow? Here again, some words I heard from Dr. Coe come to mind. He said that we often have to despair over our current condition to embrace change and all the uncomfortable feelings and work that it generates. So true…. We rarely press into difficult places of our hearts without being compelled to take action.
But why is it so difficult to attend to areas of troublesome character? Assuming that we know we have a problem, are willing to admit it, and are prepared to do the work, several complications still push back hard on us:
- We don’t feel that we can handle the issue. Questions flood our minds: Will I be overwhelmed? Will I lose orientation?
- We don’t want to be engulfed with attending emotions. Often places in our hidden hearts come with difficult feelings like confusion, failure, guilt, shame, anger, and sadness. Who wants to sign up for this?
- We’re not sure if and how God will show up. Doubts about our relationship with Jesus come to the fore: Does He really love me? Does He genuinely care about this issue I’m facing? Is it important to Him? Can I trust Him to help me?
- We’re afraid to relinquish control. Sometimes we would rather live with the “known,” no matter how difficult, than launch into unfamiliar territory with Another leading the way. What will Jesus do? What will it be like for us and for those around us?
No wonder we typically have to be forced into this!
At some point, however, evidence starts to mount that we have an area of our heart needing special care. All other attempts to rid ourselves of this part of our character—or at least keep our distance from it—have failed. It’s time to call it what it is, face it, and ask for help. So, what are we to do?
Invitation and conversation. This is it—everything we need to do to get underway. Whatever follows will follow. We cannot see the path ahead of us beyond these first steps. Only Jesus knows the way we will take toward more healing and wholeness.
Now, I should add that whenever we invite Jesus into an isolated and troublesome “room” in our shared home, honesty is paramount. This means that we share whatever concerns and feelings are deeply mixed with our request. Do we really want to go into the room ourselves? Yes and no, right? Do we want Jesus in there? Again, our honest answer is likely yes and no. What concerns do we have? What reservations, doubts, fears? We want to share all of these attending considerations with Jesus. We want to pour out our hearts before Him (Psalm 62:8).
Then, it’s time to open the door and walk in together. Our intention now is to co-inhabit the room. We are no longer alone in this once-abandoned place.
Co-inhabitation is a sacred endeavor, and it can take on many forms over time. Maybe at first, you and Jesus just sit in silence, looking around, taking it all in. No need to rush toward words. Take whatever time you need to simply be together there. You might take days or even weeks to settle in. My only encouragement is to bring this truth with you as you cross the threshold: In Christ, you are fully forgiven, fully accepted, fully loved. It doesn’t matter yet how deeply you can embrace this reality in the special place you have just added to your shared home. Just bring it along.
Sooner or later, you will begin to find words to start a conversation with Jesus. I have one encouragement for you in this step, too: try not to rush toward the topic of resolution. Your principal aim is to experience—to whatever degree you are able—God’s love for you right where you are. Sure, He intends to do something about this area of your heart, but His desire to change you doesn’t mean that He doesn’t fully love you in reality right now. So, start your talk by exploring this question with Him: What has it been like for you to live with this repressed area of your heart? I imagine that life has been difficult. Keeping your distance from buried “content” probably required a lot of life-sapping effort. How did you feel having a secret room isolated from the rest of yourself? How hard was it to keep the secret? Were there times when material leaked through the door and into the rest of your life? What happened? The Lord deeply cares about what your life has been like. Try to receive His compassion, and try to be compassionate toward yourself.
Next week we’ll talk more about our initial conversations with Jesus in our hidden rooms, as well as what it might be like to submit to His leadership in them. We will also begin to examine how to identify the most important room to invite Him into first. But for now, bless you as you press into this week’s prayer project.
Prayer Project
Please take some time to sit in a quiet place where you won’t be distracted for at least 30 minutes. Then, ask God and ask yourself the questions below. If you can, write down your answers in a notebook that you might keep for this journey we’re taking together. No right answers here—just be as honest as you can.
- God, how convinced am I that you want to be together with me in troublesome parts of my character? Is this really the way forward?
- How closely do I relate to the idea that inviting you to live with me in a problematic area of my heart comes with disturbing reservations, doubts, and fears? Am I okay with invitation being such a mixed bag of desires?
- What have I believed about Your disposition toward my secret rooms, Lord? Have I seen you as disappointed? Demanding? Angry? Indifferent? Loving?
- God, help me build my resolve to invite you into whatever hidden part of my heart we identify together in the weeks ahead. Thank you that you care about what my life has been like and that you have compassion for me.